Posted in Others / The Lobby (No post counts)
Author: ebbinger_413 Total-Replies: 0




Top Ten Signs The Case is Getting Thrown Out

1. Your warrant was signed by a guy at Taco Bell.
   
2. The arrestee is named Kennedy.
   
3. You recognize half the jury because you've arrested them on more than one occasion.
   
4. Judge's nickname - "The Dismissinator."
   
5. The defense has pictures of the Chinese food in the fridge at the crime lab.
   
6. Your probable cause is "a whiff of mischief in the autumn breeze."
   
7. he's a she.
   
8. There's audio tape of your partner saying "You have the right to howl in pain as I beat you without mercy."
   
9. Your main witness threw up exactly on pint of Schnapps on the way to the stand.
   
10. Johnny Cochran
    

Top Ten Ways To Tell You Need To See A Psychiatrist

1. The squirrels in your yard are singing Whitney Houston songs.
   
2. You put five large on the Red Sox to win the world series.
   
3. You're upset that Steven Seagal has never won an Oscar for best actor.
   
4. You feel like you should probably blow up the mailbox on the corner because it's broad-casting your location to alien mercenaries.
   
5. The only thing you still enjoy is killing small animals.
   
6. You've agreed to clean up police corruption in Mexico City and you don't speak Spanish. (NYPD only.)
   
7. You're lonely because you ate all your friends.
   
8. It's for sure. Saddam Hussein is your UPS guy.
   
9. You bought the American Idol CD.
   
10. Court denies your request for a restraining order against one of your personalities
    

Top Ten Things A Wife Will Never Say To Her Husband

1. The hot new girl in my office is a real beauty, and a stripper too. I invited her over for dinner on Tuesday.
   
2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
   
3. No, no, don't change. I think it's cool when you wear sweatpants to a nice restaurant.
   
4. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.
   
5. Do me a favor, forget that whole "Valentine's Day" thing and just go get yourself some of those expensive cigars you like.
   
6. I'll be out painting the house.
   
7. God you're sexy when you're hung over!
   
8. I think it's probably the fuel injector.
   
9. I got you a subscription to Hustler.
   
10. Bar food again? Kick ass!
    

Top Ten Bad Ideas For Police T-Shirt Slogans

1. Kickin' your ass since 1945.
   
2. You can run, but you'll only die tired.
   
3. The guy I locked up's kid was student of the month at Chester Elementary.
   
4. You got to ask yourself one question, "Do I feel lucky?" Well do ya, punk?
   
5. I busted a heroin ring, saved a drowning dog and shot an armed bank robber before he killed the hostage and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
   
6. I'd rather be a sky marshal.
   
7. I hate cheese. (Wisconsin only)
   
8. Have you hugged a police officer today? Or at least offered them a gratuity?
   
9. NYPD or FDNY (These logos are now the property of everyday Americans who bought them online before either department had them licensed for retail sales.)
   
10. I hate my job so don't push your luck
    

The Top Ten Reasons To Get Completely Pissed Off

1. Lance Bass from N-Sync is paying the Russian space program $20 million for a trip into orbit. Note to Russkies: there's another $20 million in it for you if you leave him up there.
   
2. Mailman reported your "suspicious behavior" to the feds and now they want to see your porn collection.
   
3. There is one 9/11 perpetrator in custody.
   
4. Including Goobers and Bon-Bons, it costs a working person $75 to take a family of four to "Lilu and Stitch."
   
5. All the politicians are going to skate on these insider trading charges and you'll probably get audited for trying to write off a business lunch.
   
6. The limey dude on American Idol.
   
7. There is a professional baseball player who signed a contract for $250 million and they're talking about a strike.
   
8. People are giving you a hard time just because you tried to write yourself a prescription for Xanax and bailed on your court-ordered rehab. (Bush daughters only.)
   
9. Your parents remember Neil Armstrong walking on the moon. Your kids will remember N-Synch singing, "Girl I be kissing you baby," from space.
   
10. CD wrappers.
    

Top Ten Rejected Non-Lethal Weapons

1. Spidey-goo
   
2. Nerf crossbow
   
3. Bean bag chair cannon
   
4. Gun that shoots noodles
   
5. Razor-edged titanium boomerangs
   
6. Radio controlled rats
   
7. Salami nunchucks
   
8. Ascorbic acid super-soakers
   
9. Snapping turtles (Harbor Patrol only)
   
10. Jennifer Lopez CDs
    

Top Ten Threats to National Security

1. Geraldo Rivera with a gun in Afghanistan.
   
2. Assassination attempts by salted snack foods on the President.
   
3. Executives like the ones who cashed out from Enron.
   
4. Shoe-bombs.
   
5. Failure to address wage increases for overworked public safety personnel.
   
6. Sleeper cells.
   
7. Continued warnings to be on incredibly ultimate highest state of alertness.
   
8. Mike Tyson.
   
9. Imported beef products (mad cow).
   
10. Al Sharpton's plans to run for President.
    

Top Ten Ways To Get Terrorist Suspects to Talk

1. Pamela Anderson.
   
2. Bring in Sipowicz.
   
3. Offer them ground-floor shares in the bio-tech firm that manufactures that anti-anthrax antibiotic.
   
4. Make them watch the Jerry Lewis telethon in its entirety.
   
5. Truth serum? Forget sodium pentathol - try Budweiser.
   
6. Give them just one Pringle potato chip.
   
7. Let them drink all the lemonade they want and lock the bathrooms.
   
8. Tell them they're going to star in a new reality TV show called Terrorist's Love Cruise.
   
9. Threaten to put them in the same cell as O.J.
   
10. Beat them without mercy for as long as it takes. Then shoot them
    

The Top Ten Reasons for the Drop in Crime

1. 70 percent of former crooks are now consultants for Microsoft.
   
2. Armed robbers are addicted to "Who wants to be a Millionaire?"
   
3. Survivor."
   
4. Increased traffic congestion makes drive-by shootings extremely difficult.
   
5. Bad guys sure do love those Harry Potter books.
   
6. Playstation 2.
   
7. Prozac.
   
8. No ten-year-old who's ever seen an episode of Oz is going to risk incarceration.
   
9. Compstat.
   
10. A lot of overworked, underpaid cops busting their ass to make a better place.
    

"To Serve and Protect" Motto Replacements

1. "To unnerve and suspect"
   
2. "You call, we brawl"
   
3. "To provide you idiots with outstanding police services"
   
4. "No call's too small"
   
5. "Deserving and neglected since 1865"
   
6. "To serve and protect, despite the current provisions as laid out in the city's proposed contract"
   
7. "Enforcement with a smile"
   
8. "To be slightly injured and collect"
   
9. "If we're not there in 10 minutes you get a free pizza"
   
10. "Cops-r-Us"
    

Rejected SWAT Team T-shirts

1. "Ready to rumble."
   
2. "Be afraid . . . be very afraid."
   
3. "I got yer can'a whoop-ass right here."
   
4. "You call, we kill."
   
5. "Death-o-gram."
   
6. "I completed a special sniper-training course in Austria and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."
   
7. "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
   
8. "If it bleeds, we can kill it."
   
9. "The Legion of Doom."
   
10. "I came to bring the pain."
    

Ways to tell you're spending too much time on-line

1. You call your kids "What’s his face and the other one."
   
2. You’re skipping car payments to cover bills from AOL.
   
3. You’ve been to every web site on earth, twice.
   
4. You created a home page for your favorite shirt.
   
5. You get personal "Thank You" notes from Bill Gates.
   
6. You’ve got 54 hot and heavy romances going at once in chat rooms at federal prisons.
   
7. You have a Kevlar mouse pad.
   
8. Your modem melted.
   
9. When the guys ask you if you to "come out for a beer" you have no idea what they’re talking about.
   
10. You don't even look at TV anymore
    

Ways to Tell You Have Anger Management Issues

1. You have no citizen complaints in your file because they all died during the struggle.
   
2. It takes you twice as many drinks as shift-hours worked to unwind when the tour's over.
   
3. Everyone calls you "Hurricane Eddie."
   
4. You’ve been on the job two years and you’re on your eighth cruiser.
   
5. Your family sleeps in a treehouse in the backyard.
   
6. For some reason you are reading lots of books dealing with the construction of letter-bombs.
   
7. Crime rates in your patrol area mysteriously drop to zero during your working hours, while the baddest bad guys hide and whimper in their apartments.
   
8. You’re known as, "the guy who got into a fistfight with a Rottweiler and a pit bull."
   
9. Instead of counting to 10 when you get really mad, you have to count to 220,000.
   
10. Your evaluations suck, but somehow you're the only one the boss hasn't verbally assaulted over job performance.
    

Things you don't want to hear during surgery

1. The watchamacallit is making that noise again.
   
2. I guess we should have checked to make sure the donor organ arrived before we started the transplant.
   
3. Scapel. No not that one, I need the curvy one.
   
4. Hey doc, isn't this the guy that arrested your wife?
   
5. What the hell did I do with that spleen?
   
6. I wouldn't worry about it Dr. Harris. People are like cars...lots of exrtra parts.
   
7. Well what if he does find out we left the clamp in?
   
8. The back-up generators should kick in any minute now.
   
9. More tequilla shooters, stat!
   
10. The shin bones connected to the leg bone, but what is the leg bone connected to? I knew I should have memorized that song
    

Posted in Computers & Tech / Internet and Websites
Author: moonwitch Total-Replies: 28

Well, I hate to sound bad, but fame and fortune do have their toll, and the fans are an advantage *and* disadvantage. Yes, fans are what makes a star (and talent, but that's a whole different topic ). I mean, can you picture uhm Stevie Nicks without fans? SHe wouldn't be so famous... (For those of you who know Stevie - nope, I am only 21 LOL)

Of course some fans go over the edge, and turn into stalkers etc. I am sure most of us know the film/movie "The Bodyguard", which is fiction, but those things happen in real life. Of course I am naming the extremes here, but that's just how it is... Everything has a good side and a bad side.

To some extend, you choose to be a star, and the fans, no private life etc are also a part of that. Just my 2 cents...

Now about the hacker of t-mobile, I think the guy proved a point too, and served a purpose. Even though you *think* it is safe and secure, it isn't. Some paranoia is healthy. (I am paranoid about puter security..and it has proven to be a good paranoia)

EDIT because I realized I am sounded pretty nasty here, which wasn't my intention.

I am not saying these stars do deserve this, I wouldn't wish the breaching of ones privacy upon my worst enemy. But it is a part of being a star, sadly. It's a risk that basically comes with the job... And I do agree with the fact that these acts have to be punished harshly, even though I fear it won't do much good.

Posted in Computers & Tech / Operating Systems / GNU/Linux
Author: the empty calorie Total-Replies: 53

First mistake, my motherboard is completely jumperless. Second, my case is locked. And you don't have the key. Normally, to reset the BIOS, you remove the battery and put it back in. I've never heard of anyone using jumpers for that, although I wouldn't doubt it, why would they use the jumpers if the battery is right there, in plain view. Second, my motherboard isn't your motherboard. If it had jumpers, you wouldn't know what jumpers did what, because it's different on every motherboard. But either way, you're not getting inside my case.

Second mistake: Simple registry key you say? Too bad. I'm using UNIX, dumbshit!

Third mistake, you don't know my root passphrase, chump! You're done! You can't even get a prompt without a correct password, let alone install a script in my computer...

Fourth mistake, my email does not allow emails with embedded scripts, or HTML. Why? I use elm, dumbass! It doesn't accept HTML-encoded mail. The only emails it will open are text-only.

Fifth mistake...uh, dipshit, EVERYTHING requires permissions in UNIX. To Read a file, to write a file, or to execute a file, YOU MUST HAVE PERMISSION. Duh! We've only told you several times now...

Sixth Mistake, whenever I receive email from turds like you, it's deleted before it's even read. Why would I want to read the useless **** that flaps out of your asscheeks and onto your keyboard??? Do you really think I care that much about anything you have to say?

And last, I doubt you even know the proper commands to even get in that directory and delete the file. Don't bother posting them, I know you'll just cut and paste them from a HOWTO somewhere you found on google. Just admit it, you're just another point-and-click dumbshit that thinks Microsoft must be the best, cause it's what your pathetic-ass Dell came with. You're probably that douchebag that was on the old Dell commercials that everyone hated! If you're so damn smart, WHY are you using A. An X86 Processor, and B. Windows, of all things. Windows, is absolutely the WORST OS there even has been in the history of computers! But why is it so popular? A person is smart, people are dumb, stupid, and complete idiots. A person uses a better operating system. People, use Windows. The person has the better OS. The people NEED a better OS. But the people NEED to do what we did back in the day. Actually KNOW how to use your computer. That's the evil side of the GUI...they put too many people in front of their computers that don't know what they're doing, and don't really care to take the time to learn at least a few simple DOS commands...Bill Gates should have stayed in the traffic business...and he knows that Windows sucks. He doesn't care. It's what generates most of his income. If you have stable software, people see fewer reasons to upgrade, and fewer people call technical support. Do you know how much money Microsoft makes off of technical support alone??? Last time I checked (in 1996), it was around $30 per incident. I bet you half of those calls were from people trying to figure out how to open up the nifty built-in cupholder...Bill knows how to make money, and how do you make more money than anyone? Sell your products to the suckers who will probably make about 5-6 incidents worth of calls to Microsoft after they buy your horrible OS. That, is how to make lots of money with a crappy product, now go out there and be somebody! Remember this classic quote from a discussion in 1985...

Steve Jobs: "We're better than you. We make better stuff."
Bill Gates: "But Steve, that doesn't matter."

(Me: "Personally, the Amiga kicks the living **** out of BOTH of your OS'es, AND the computers they run on.")

And by the way, Ryan, here's a nickel. Get yourself a better computer. And actually learn how to use it too.