BTW - this would appeal more to the Indian people on this board as it contains a lot of expletives in our national language - Hindi. I wouldn't bother translating them, as some of them are real nasty. But wherever you encounter such a word, simply put your imagination at work and replace it with something filthy - and you'd get the gist of the whole memo.
QUOTE
Microsoft's Memo to its Indian Staff
This is a REAL MEMO from Microsoft HR Director in Redmond , WA to its staff of the Indian Origin. Every word here is kept intact without alteration.
MEMO TO INDIAN STAFF
In view of the large number of Indians working in the USA , UK and many other countries with White People, it has become important for Human Resources Department to issue directives to their Indian staff.
TO ALL HINDI-SPEAKING STAFF
It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our corporate headquarters that offensive language is commonly used by our Hindi-speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and colleagues.
Staff will IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules:
1. Words like CHUTIYA, GANDU and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion. You will not say CHUTIYE, AKKAL NAHI HAI KYA TEREKO when someone makes a mistake, or MADAR CHOD, BHENCHOD when a major mistake has been made. All forms derived from the verb CHOD are inappropriate in our environment.
2. No project manager, section head or administrator, under any circumstances, will be referred to as GADHA or CHUTIYA . Lack of determination will not be referred to as KAAMCHOR SAALA and neither will persons who lack initiative be referred to as BHOSADIKAA or MADARCHOD .
3. Unusual or creative ideas from your superiors are not to be referred to as GAND FAADU, if a person is persistent, or if a task is heavy to accomplish. In a similar way, do not use GAND FATI, if a colleague is going through a difficult situation.
4. Furthermore, you must not say BHOSADE MEIN GAYA when matters become complicated. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say DIMAG KI MAA BHEN MAT KAR. Do not ever substitute 'May I help you?' with BOL TERI GAND KAISE MARU.
5. When things get tough, an acceptable _expression such as 'We are going through a difficult time' should be used, rather than MAA CHUDI PADI HAI or GOTI MUH MEIN HAI.
6. No salary increase shall be ever referred to as KHAIRAAT BAATI JAA RAHI HAI KYA. Under no circumstances should you call our elderly corporate partners as BUDDHA KHOOSAT.
7. Last, but not least, after reading this memo, please do not say: YE KAGAJ GAND PONCHNE KE LAAYAK BHI NAHI HAI.
We hope you will keep these directions in mind.
Sincerely,
Steve Rider
Human Resources Director
Microsoft Corporation
This is a REAL MEMO from Microsoft HR Director in Redmond , WA to its staff of the Indian Origin. Every word here is kept intact without alteration.
MEMO TO INDIAN STAFF
In view of the large number of Indians working in the USA , UK and many other countries with White People, it has become important for Human Resources Department to issue directives to their Indian staff.
TO ALL HINDI-SPEAKING STAFF
It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our corporate headquarters that offensive language is commonly used by our Hindi-speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and colleagues.
Staff will IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules:
1. Words like CHUTIYA, GANDU and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion. You will not say CHUTIYE, AKKAL NAHI HAI KYA TEREKO when someone makes a mistake, or MADAR CHOD, BHENCHOD when a major mistake has been made. All forms derived from the verb CHOD are inappropriate in our environment.
2. No project manager, section head or administrator, under any circumstances, will be referred to as GADHA or CHUTIYA . Lack of determination will not be referred to as KAAMCHOR SAALA and neither will persons who lack initiative be referred to as BHOSADIKAA or MADARCHOD .
3. Unusual or creative ideas from your superiors are not to be referred to as GAND FAADU, if a person is persistent, or if a task is heavy to accomplish. In a similar way, do not use GAND FATI, if a colleague is going through a difficult situation.
4. Furthermore, you must not say BHOSADE MEIN GAYA when matters become complicated. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say DIMAG KI MAA BHEN MAT KAR. Do not ever substitute 'May I help you?' with BOL TERI GAND KAISE MARU.
5. When things get tough, an acceptable _expression such as 'We are going through a difficult time' should be used, rather than MAA CHUDI PADI HAI or GOTI MUH MEIN HAI.
6. No salary increase shall be ever referred to as KHAIRAAT BAATI JAA RAHI HAI KYA. Under no circumstances should you call our elderly corporate partners as BUDDHA KHOOSAT.
7. Last, but not least, after reading this memo, please do not say: YE KAGAJ GAND PONCHNE KE LAAYAK BHI NAHI HAI.
We hope you will keep these directions in mind.
Sincerely,
Steve Rider
Human Resources Director
Microsoft Corporation
On second thoughts, I'll do provide translations (not literal) of some of the minor ones - and in most cases I'll tone down the meaning a bit:
- The verb CHOD - to screw, to put it mildly
- AKKAL NAHI HAI KYA TEREKO - You don't have brains enough
- GADHA - donkey / ass - whichever you prefer
- GAND FAADU - Kick Ass
- KAAMCHOR SAALA - bloody idiot who's always absconding from work.
- DIMAG KI MAA BHEN MAT KAR - dont chew on my brains
- GOTI MUH MEIN HAI - my testicles have popped up to my mouth
- BOL TERI GAND KAISE MARU - let me know how to screw your hindside
- BUDDHA KHOOSAT - Old hag
- YE KAGAJ GAND PONCHNE KE LAAYAK BHI NAHI HAI - this is the final one in the memo - this means, this memo paper isn't even worth wiping your ass with or being used as a toilet tissue.
m^e
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